UNDOING PATRIARCHY: AN ONLINE COURSE FOR MEN+
For so many men+, traditional masculinity doesn’t fit. There are spoken and unspoken rules that dictate how men are supposed to dress, walk, stand, talk, screw, look and feel that may not be in alignment with who you really are. Because of this, traditionally male spaces can feel tremendously alienating. The locker room, the basketball court, or the corner bar: can you truly be yourself there?
But then what? If you don’t fit into patriarchy’s boxes of who a man can be, where do you go when there’s seemingly no other socially sanctioned way to be? What are the options? Pretend to be a bro and suffer from living out of alignment with who you truly are or step outside of prescribed social norms and risk the consequences. Compulsory masculinity is a trap.
“I foresee this course echoing for my whole life.”
You probably also have an awareness of how patriarchy affects the women in your life, and you try hard not to unintentionally contribute to that. You’re pretty sure you must sometimes commit micro-aggressions, but who helps you to see them? Are there men in your life who keep you accountable to your egalitarian ideals? You know better than to ask the women in your life to educate you about how to do better, but then how else are you supposed to learn?
Beyond the political issues, who can you talk about your feelings with? Most men have few, if any, that they can be truly vulnerable with. You know that expecting your girlfriend or sister or women friends to do emotional labor for you isn’t right, but when there’s no man you could feasibly show your heart to, what else are you supposed to do?
Patriarchy is set up for your advantage, there’s no arguing that. But the male privilege you didn’t ask for comes at a high cost.
Undoing Patriarchy is a course is for men+ who are trying to subvert patriarchy while also trying to survive it. There’s shame-free space to talk about all of these issues and more. You’ll self-reflect on how you might be unintentionally causing harm to the women in your life and what you can do to change that. You’ll build platonic male intimacy and have opportunities to practice new relational skills on your own and with each other. Together, we collectively create a vision for a future free from patriarchal masculinity.
“Taking Bear’s course on undoing patriarchy was like taking the blinders off and opening my eyes.”
What is this course?
Undoing Patriarchy is a 5-week online course to learn specific practices for undoing your own internalized patriarchal conditioning.
You’ll work with a group of other men+ in a structured way to break down some of the biggest stumbling blocks for people trying unlearn their patriarchal habits. Utilizing lecture, discussion, and experiential learning, it’s one part academic class, one part support group, and one part daily-life crash course in undoing deep-seated patriarchal conditioning.
The course will cover communication, intimacy, leadership, nurturance, vulnerability, consent, and criticism, among other things. Undoing Patriarchy is intended as a continuing exploration of these topics, not an end point or a merit badge.
How does it work?
We meet every week for 2.5 hours. Each session includes both lecture and discussion. Lectures will introduce one tenet of patriarchal conditioning, establish what it looks like when it’s showing up in a harmful way, and explore how we might shift it towards healthier alternatives.
Discussions are dedicated to reflection on the previous week’s topic. This is intended to deepen relationships and build connections that will hopefully extend beyond the length of the course. We’ll share our experiences and struggles, and give and receive support.
You’ll get homework assignments to explore more outside class through writing, conversation and real-life application. Additional readings and resources are suggested for each section.
This course is not designed to be done at your own pace or on your own. Your participation in class and with the community is part of the pedagogy!
“Without exaggeration, I think about this course, my peers, what we shared, and what I learned in very specific and tangible ways, every single day.”
Who is it for?
This class is for people with patriarchal privilege.
In our society, the shorthand we currently use for that category of people is “men.”
I sometimes use the term men+ as a still-imperfect-but-maybe-slightly-better shorthand. Here, men includes cisgender men and transmen. The + is meant to include assigned-male non-binary folks and anyone else who experiences patriarchal conditioning meant to benefit them. I’ve written an essay that lives over here about how annoying/wonderful it is that we don’t have more concise language for this.
In the past four years, most people who’ve taken this class are cis men, but not all of them are. Trans folks and non-binary people are most welcome, if you self-identify as having experiences of patriarchal privilege and you’re interested in undoing internalized patriarchal conditioning in a group that will include a lot of cis men. I identify as genderqueer and try my best to hold a supportive space for trans and non-binary kin. Please reach out if you’re unsure if this class will be a good fit.
Because patriarchy doesn’t stand alone in the systems of oppression we live within, we’ll be addressing the ways race, class, sexuality and gender identity intersect with patriarchy. This course is open to people of all races and sexual orientations.
Who are you?
My name is Bear Hebert, and I’m a writer, researcher, coach, artist and activist. I’ve been thinking about and working against patriarchy arguably for my whole life but certainly for the past fifteen years. I’m a white, queer, working-class, genderqueer human. (They/them pronouns for me, please.) I have a background in activism and cultural organizing. I’m not a therapist!
Why are you teaching this?
I’m teaching this course because through my relationships with the men I’ve worked with, dated and been friends with, I’ve seen the ways that internalized, unconscious patriarchal conditioning holds men+ back from intimacy, vulnerability, and connection. Patriarchy gives men+ privilege, but it strips them of their humanity as well. I’m invested in helping men+ to unlearn these unconscious patterns because I believe this work is essential for the liberation of all people.
“This course has been truly revelatory.”
When is it?
January 7 - February 4, 2024
Sundays from 1-3:30 pm Eastern time
Where is it?
We meet online via Zoom.
What is the cost?
$540
Shame-free payment plans are readily available! You can pay in 2 installments of $270 or 4 installments of $135. These options are displayed at checkout.
If finances are a hurdle, I first encourage thinking creatively. How might you fundraise or otherwise acquire the money? Who might help you pay for this work? Who do you have in your network with access to funds?
A limited number of need-based reduced cost spots are available for folks with marginalized identities. No one turned away for lack of funds; contact me for options at bear@bearcoaches.com.
Accessibility: This course requires internet access. All classes are in English. Zoom captioning is automatically available for each class. If you have additional access needs, please be in touch: bear@bearcoaches.com
Fine print: Space is limited to 15 people/session. A minimum of 8 students required for the course to run. Payment plans are contractually binding for the full amount of the course. No refunds for any reason once the course begins.
“I think about something that we worked on in this class almost every day.”
“In a matter of a few weeks, I can say with confidence that Undoing Patriarchy has changed my life and the way I think about the world.”